It is time now for a look at one of Josh's (my) pet peeves! I guess it shouldnt be called a "pet peeve" since i dont feed or care for it and it is more serious than "peeves" usually are. I am talking about the maddening habit that a lot of girls have of going out with first class A-holes (mom if you read this, the "A" in the previous word is short for "abacus"). This makes me mad for a number of reasons but i will get the mushiest one out of the way - 100% of the time, every time the girl deserves be to loved and treasured. Too often though, the girl settles for "acknowledged" and "occasionally thought of." Let me go out on a limb here and say this - i cant believe that these girls are not smart enough to see through these guys. I think they know. They just choose to take the guy at his word despite having deep seated doubts and in some cases they tell themselves that the guy really loves (or likes or digs or whatever the lingo is now) them but he is just having problems and their love will triumph. Makes me wonder what love looks like to the world now. This isnt even close to what love is and if the guy truly loved the girl, he would do everything in his power to keep her. I have told my sister a million times and i wish i could get on every radio and tv station to tell girls not to take guys at their word - make them show you that they love you. The dirty secret is that the majority of guys know the right words to say to make the girl feel like she is all there is in the world to him. I do think, however that some girls expect (and in increasingly more instances, look for) this kind of treatment. Maybe it's because of shows like The Hills and One Tree Hill and America's Funniest Home Videos (maybe not so much the last one) that portray all kinds of drama in relationships. I guess the thinking goes that the more drama there is in life, the more interesting it is - always on the phone checking with girlfriend to find out if boyfriend has talked to his last girlfriend or discussing with girlfriends what boyfriend said to see if he may have another girlfriend on the side - kind of a "woe is me" approach.
There are other reasons (mainly financial, philosophical, and umbilical reasons) for my madness, but on advice from my PR rep i will not disclose them. Ladies, you are on notice - continued damaging relationships with tools within my sphere of influence will net you harsh words and looks from me until you leave the relationship or the aforementioned sphere - be warned the sphere extends 500 nautical miles (roughly 4 feet) from wherever i happen to be.
11 comments:
lack of roll models. It is hard to make the right decision when you are basing your choices on what your friends are telling you is cool.
Parents don't tell their children-IN DETAIL-what is good in a mate.
I do. And each child is different. I don't think you can be general about these things. I was not general when I asked God for a husband. I had a specific list of 6 things I wanted.
I don't think girls are taught anymore that they should let the guy take the lead. Which is sad for both sexes. Our roles were taken from us. It may sound old fashioned but I still preach it to my kids. I tell the girls do not call him and tell the boys to treat her with the utmost respect-NO MATTER WHAT
Hahahaha-I spelled role wrong. I am tired. :)
This is the best blog so far on A Save Situation. I'm grateful that I am the aforementioned sister that has been told this. You are a wise and hilarious Brother Face.
also- nice I-Tunes thing.
kirstie, i already knew you were a good mom but this will be ample documentation that i can use if i ever need to convince anyone else that you are (i wont need to - people can see it). i think you are right - parents hold 98% of the responsibility, the other 2% is taxes. - not sure if you will come back and see this comment, but even if you dont - to the rest of you, this is to say that kirstie is cool
I couldn't agree more with every single word that you typed. I have, as you know, my friend, fallen prey to the exact same lies told by guys. Thankfully God revealed to me very quickly that things were wrong and mercifully got me out....BUT I want to play the devils advocate for just a minute b/c I had a thought occur to me as I read through your blog. (Please do note that I agree with and thank you on account of all the men out there for your words :) )
Have you all ever considered that the good guys don't ask out the good girls? And I am not talking about church singles groups where everyone is there to find a "mate." Those kinds of groups are MY pet peeves. :) But these good girls spend year after year waiting for a man to love her in the right way and in all those years will only meet a handful of genuine GOOD guys who truly love the Lord. When those guys never show interest or never pursue, it is so easy for the girl to fall prey to the first handsome face that does....
Charity, I agree with what you said completely and I don't know you or what you are like so this isn't about you at all, your comment just made me think about this.
I've noticed a desperation (neediness) among the single girls I know and that leads to going after those 'bad' guys. If women in general figured out that being single isn't the worst thing in the world and is a time for God to do amazing things in their lives they would be less likely to fall for these guys... and trust that God is sovereign (even when it comes to men). I don't understand why girls are so desperate... it's like we're little machines that are taught that without a man we are worthless. I beg to differ.
That desperation is why I think some girls are alone. I hear girls say they are trusting God then the very next sentence is an exhaustive analysis of some guy's behavior. I've done it and was instantly embarrassed when I realized how desperate and needy it all sounded. I don't think most of them realize how irritating that is to a guy too. I've experienced being the sister of a guy whose behavior was being analyzed in exhaustion......and let me tell you- not only are the girls usually way off, but it's the neediness that is usually what makes him not into the girl... usually the rest of her behavior is fine. If she'd act a little more aloof he'd be all up ons.
... I should add though that sometimes he's just not that into her and the girl shouldn't want him in that situation... but sometimes I think they think they are going to berate him or nag him into having feelings for her. I don't know of a single time that's ever worked. (I digress)
Katy, I couldn't agree more. It's really interesting b/c when I was writing my comment before, my mind was on all of these AMAZING girls that I know who love the Lord with their whole hearts. I can't understand why guys aren't pounding down their doors! But at the same time, they refuse to settle for less than God's best.....which is why they are still single (and I mean that as a very good thing :) ).
But on the other hand, I also know so many girls who don't feel complete until they find a man to love them. It is exactly what you said, "it's like we're little machines that are taught that without a man we are worthless." I disagree with this mentality as well. As soon as these girls find their identity and their confidence in CHRIST, that need for another fallen human being fades. Desire is there b/c, well, we're human....but the NEED is gone. It's wonderful when the Lord takes us there. It's not an easy path b/c it means we are giving up control and surrendering completely to our Lord....but once we do, life with complete surrender to Him is amazing beyond words....
Everyone is writing comments and it makes me feel left out...
I agree that there are too many abacus holes out there.
I also think crunchy peanut butter is better than creamy but I can not get my wife to buy the crunchy. Now, that is a real life drama in a relationship.
these are a lot of comments...so i will include one of my own.
i am awesome
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